November 27, 2004

Pretty in Pink

The enigmatic and ostentatious world of high fashion, a hopeless labyrinth of contradiction and confusion, has never been one that I delved in too deeply. I am a person who firmly understands my own limitations and my comprehension of fashion does not range much beyond picking shirts and pants that somewhat match. Nevertheless, given that the worlds of high fashion and incorrigible posers frequently intersect and I am firmly committed to outing, ridiculing, and destroying posers everywhere, I must reluctantly enter the chaos from time to time in order to make a point.

Recent months have seen an enormous rise in poserdom (mostly male, as usual) and surprisingly, in this case, the color pink is to blame. Now I know that pink is the new black or whatever (really, what the hell does that mean?) and being metro is in (I might look gay, but I'm really straight!), but I would like to venture that this whole pink thing has been taken too far by too many people.

Before I go on, let me make it clear that I am not one of those homophobic hicks attacking men wearing pink clothing. Being comfortable in one's sexuality is important and major props to anyone who can wear pink clothing and not be afraid of what others think about them. That said, I think a lot of posers these days are wearing pink more because of its trendiness than anything else. I have had this impression for quite a while now, but as is usually the case, the hazy impression formed in Berkeley was indisputably verified in the heartland of posers, Orange County.

My trip to South Coast Plaza yesterday at the height of the After-Thanksgiving Day sale was quite enlightening. During my two hours spent there fighting with old ladies and small children for places in line, I noticed the most outrageous displays of pink-wearing possible. Between the guy wearing jeans with pink hearts and lace, the guy wearing both a pink shirt AND a pink pant, and the guy wearing a shirt with barely visible pink stripes clutching his girlfriend so tightly so as to erase any doubt as to his sexuality, I knew something was not quite right here. As to the first guy, I have to say this: that's not metro or even gay - that's just ridiculous. You're not proving a point; you're just wearing women's clothing. To the second guy, I would say this: just because pink is fashionable these days doesn't mean wearing twice the pink will make you twice as fashionable and at the end of the day, clothes need to match! Finally, to the third guy: if you're so afraid of someone thinking you are gay, may I suggest the following sign pasted on your back? It reads: I'm not gay, just a hopeless poser trying to keep up with the latest trend.

Having said all this, let me tell you now that I own a pink shirt (it goes absolutely great with my skin tone), but not for the wrong reasons. I think it's perfectly fine to wear pink, but as is the case with most things in life, moderation is important. Moreover, don't do pink for the wrong reasons, least of all to prove a point. You want to appear comfortable with your sexuality? Stop calling things gay and people fags. You want to stay in tune with high fashion? Well, make sure your clothes match. You want to wear pink? Great! Go for it! Just STOP POSING!