January 23, 2005

Going Cold Turkey

People used to tell me I had a problem. They've been saying it since freshman year. But I would never listen. I could stop whenever I wanted to. I don't have a problem. I'm not like other folks. You know something? I got so good at saying those lines to myself that I actually started to believe them. But I was wrong. I did have a problem. And as of this semester, I plan to do something about it.

No, ass clowns, I'm not talking about alcohol. I really don't have one of those problems, thankfully. No, what I'm talking about is something infinitely worse. Hi, my name is Rohit, and I'm addicted to Blondie's Pizza. Isn't that sad? Seriously, I'd rather be addicted to crystal meth than Blondie's. What kind of idiot can't stop eating Blondie's, by far one of the most unhealthy foods available on Telegraph Avenue? Me; that's who.

It all started back when I attended CalSO in June 2001. I got my first taste of the substance that would change my life forever. Drawn in by the cheap prices and efficiency of a slice of pizza and a soda for lunch, I started going more and more regularly during my freshman year. At the height of my addiction, I was eating a slice a day for weeks on end. In fact, I ate a slice of Blondie's everyday of Summer 2002. Sophomore year saw only a tougher schedule and a Rohit even more pressed for time. The appeal of a slice on the go only increased. The trend continued during junior year, where I averaged 4 slices a week, despite my overwhelming Hall Staff meal plan and all the dorm food I could eat. The $3.50 special did me in everytime.

Finally, last semester, I realized something had to be done when I was walking by Blondie's, having just eaten a big lunch, and still craving a greasy slice of pizza. This was when it hit me. I really do have a problem. I can't stop! So around December, I decided to start weaning myself off the Blondie's addiction. However, everytime I tried to eat lunch elsewhere, I would get so mad about every extra dollar I had to spend for food. Blondie's was always the cheapest and best option! I tried limiting myself to 2 slices a week, but quickly fell off the wagon with finals and the home stretch of Fall semester.

But, never fear! I have come back to Berkeley rejuvenated from my time away from Blondie's (i.e., winter break) and am fully energized to beat this addiction. I've managed to go cold turkey for the last three weeks, since I've returned. Not one slice. Pretty impressive, huh? My plan is to avoid Blondie's like the plague for this entire semester. I'm confident that I can do it. But I'm going to need help, especially during those troubled times of midterms and finals. If you ever see me headed towards Blondie's, or even talking about it, feel free to trip me, hit me, or even punch me. I know you'll have done it for my own good, and I won't hold a grudge. Please! Help me beat this thing!