April 17, 2005

For Love of the Game

Although I've always found it interesting to note how one's perceptions and beliefs change as time passes and one of the reasons I started this blog was to track these changes, it still never ceases to amaze me how very different the future may turn out than one expected. Take the entry I wrote almost one year ago, to the date, for instance. That entry found me lamenting my exit from student services and proverbial involvement and depressed over what would possibly be my last real Cal Day. Fastforward one year later and I have just wrapped up a weekend filled with nothing but student service.

Who would have thought a year ago that I would be doing CalSO again, and even more surprisingly, as a returner, rather than a coord as I had initially planned long ago? Who could have known that rather than becoming less involved my final year at Cal, I would become infinitely more so? Of course, the obvious answer to this question is no one (well, maybe God, but that's a can of worms I'd rather leave unopened). And yet, here I am, writing this entry dead tired after almost 3 days of doing nothing BUT CalSO, being nothing BUT involved.

Despite my exhaustion after Friday's 2 hour co-tour with Phil, Saturday's 6 hours of (unassigned) Cal Day work, and today's day trip to Orange County's Alumni Reception, all I can say is, what does it really matter? I don't really care how or why my life has changed so dramatically in the last year, nor do I really concern myself with what may have been.

You see, for me, involvement is like an addiction; an addiction I have already acquired and have no hopes of beating. Honestly, how else could you explain it? What else could provoke an almost sane individual such as myself, with such a sound set of priorities, to work for no compensation or personal benefit for days on end? I'm telling you - it's all for love of the game. The only question that remains now is, which entries I have written recently will be invalidated in the future, and what will be the change in my life that catalyzes it? I really hope it's not this one, because that would mean I had either (1) found love or (2) gotten married (obviously, two mutually exclusive things) and well, what?