Rohit's Realm

// / archive / 2005 / 10 / 02 / icing-on-the-cake

October 02, 2005

Icing on the Cake

I was just thinking today how anyone who doesn't know me in real life, and only through my online persona of blogger, might actually believe I really am as cynical, bitter, depressed, and elitist as I come off through my writing. Okay, so maybe it's true, but those who know me outside of the Internet will have to agree that while my blog does seem to weigh heavily towards the aforementioned topics, I am not incapable of other emotions. To at least partially address this issue, and perhaps even rectify some misguided perceptions people may hold, I will now present a uncharacteristically positive entry.

This weekend has been awesome. I mean, it was unbelievably great. Good people, good times, lots of fun. The CalSO reunion went really well, we killed Arizona, 28–0, and the post-game party at Thalassa was a fitting conclusion. Rather than talk about all these things, however, I'll leave the description to the photographs. Instead, I'd like to talk about the icing on the cake, so to speak, for this weekend that I discovered as I was looking through old entries on my site.

Now, I would venture that most of my entries are anything but uncontroversial, and usually tend to drive a fair amount of comment traffic, as people agree, disagree, or simply hate. Most of these comments are by people I know, with only a very small percentage coming from random people. Today, however, I discovered what had to be the most hilarious, ridiculous, and downright idiotic random comment of all time, in one of my own personal favorite entries of the year: Pop Ya Collar, my tirade against the idiotic phenomenon that seems to have inflicted thousands of posers near and far. Here it is, reproduced in its full glory:

You stupid fucker, I pop my collar because I fucking like it and always have. I don't give a fuck how much you degrade me, I have more a life than ANY of you hating motherfuckers do. I have more fucking girls at my hands, and more of a job working at AE, and more of a fucking life than you ever will. Get your fat ass off this computer if your going to hate bitch, stop degrading people better than you. Girl's check my pictures, much better than most of the idiots here crying about the style. Email me if you got problems.


Before I address this comment, let me give you some background. Unfortunately, the URL this dumb ass typed wasn't valid, so I did a little bit of research, and unsurprisingly, found his Xanga site. Reading through it, I discovered a few facts about our indignant friend:

  • His picture has him wearing TWO polo shirts, both with collars popped. Man, that's hot.
  • He's born in December 1986, which makes him an 18 year old kid and a freshman in college.
  • His so-called expertise? Everything you can think of .. I can do .. and I can do it with style babyy ;)
  • His latest entry? never seems to fail.. every weekend is just another lonely weekend with no one with you and sitting watching tv and sleeping.......great college life...................
  • He recently lost his cell phone at a McDonalds.

And now, just for kicks, here's my brief, open response to this comment:

Dear [redacted],

Thanks for your comment. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time from your busy schedule of jerking off, sleeping, watching television, missing classes, popping your several collars, and working a menial job in clothing retail to write a poorly worded, idiotically composed, grammatically questionable response to my March entry, Pop Ya Collar. I am very glad indeed that you don't give a fuck how much [I] degrade [you], because in the course of this correspondence, I will be doing exactly that with unrestrained resolve.

I suppose I could take offense at your foolish ranting, but honestly, having read through your moronic Xanga entries, which, by the way, seem to be the work of a less than exceptional first-grader, I would be hard pressed to actually bring myself to respect you as a human being, let alone as a critic worthy of consideration. I realize you probably don't have much in your life to feel confident about, and thus, must take solace in the fucking girls at your hands and the feelings of adequacy (not only in a sexual context, but in life as well) that your popped collars must bring you, but honestly, can you actually be using your job at AE as a point of validation? And if your notion of having a life is based upon your latest Xanga entries, well, I'm certainly quite thrilled I don't meet your stringent criteria.

Quite truthfully, you are not worth my time, and if it weren't for the fact that your most pathetic existence unequivocally validates my earlier postulations regarding antidepressants, I wouldn't even be wasting my time writing this response. The fact of the matter is, regardless of whether or not you would like to vainly believe that you are better than [me], all indicators seem to suggest the exact opposite, and frankly, realizing that people like you exist in this world makes me feel much better about my own life. I may not have all that I desire, but it's nice knowing I will always be much more successful, intelligent, and ultimately happy in my life than you ever will be in yours.

I sincerely hope you at some point take your head out of your own ass and realize how stupid you truly are, but having read your poor excuse for prose, I really doubt it. Perhaps in fifty years, when I have forgotten all about your worthless existence, much as I might an insect I errantly crush, you will realize the extent of your own misery, but by then it'll be too late—your failed attempt at life will be complete.

Best Regards,


P.S. The fourth and fifth sentences in your comment make no sense whatsoever. I know it's hard, but in the future, please try to think about what you're writing before spewing incoherent nonsense.

So, there you have it. The icing on the cake! Now, not only do you have my trademarked antidepressant, but an officially endorsed website to feel better about yourself. Enjoy life, everyone!


Oh Rohit, you bring a tear to my eye. Your letter makes me think of rainbows and unicorns. Only you make hatred so beautiful.

His xanga is like most of the other boring self-absorbed crap on xanga.

I've actually had people ask me who the hell you were from the link on my site.

"Is that guy nuts?"

Oh, the beauty of hatred. You make it sound so eloquent. Your like the Shakespeare of online dissing or something along those lines. Reminds me of my 1st year in college and how much more bitter I was online.

Ahhhhhh......the sweet smell of the morning, the birds chirping, the sun rising - such a beautiful day and to top it all off, this wonderful, uplifting, and feel-good blog has truly brightened up my day!

Rohit, I want you to write all my love letters for me in my future relationships because this letter you wrote to [redacted] was...perfection!

This may be wrong of me to mention here, but when I saw the title of this entry I got excited and thought you might go back to the Cocaine-chic bum that wore an $850 Dolce and Gabana sweater. THAT'S HOT!!!

fixed his link:


have fun :)

One comment: I totally didn't even notice this, but in his comment, he calls me a fat ass. Yet another reason why it's one of the stupidest comments ever.

i am one of the many girls at [redacted]'s hands and so i must rise to his defense. american eagle outfitters is a great brand that reflects modern trends for the urban chic individual (at working-class affordable prices, too). collar popping is an integration of underground hip hop culture within a broader social framework. i myself am a huge fan of the barely-there shorts that declare such statements as "juicy" and "abercrombie," particularly when paired with some classy uggs. or is it uggz?

i could go on, babies, but instead i will return to my place at [redacted]'s sticky hands.


ahahahahahaha oh rohit, i see nothing's changed hahahahaa

let me know what you're up to man!!!

we all know you love to personally provide the icing on the cake

I feel sorry for the guy.

You forgot a fact about our friend, [redacted]: he goes to Middle Georgia College. That's right, the shining beacon of academic excellence. A school that describes itself as:

MGC is both a comprehensive two-year college serving central Georgia and a residential college serving traditional and non-traditional students from throughout Georgia and, to a limited extent, from other states and countries. The main campus in Cochran serves both commuting and residential students. The Dublin Center and selected off-campus sites serve commuting students from the middle Georgia area.

I had to transcribe that because it's GIF on their home page. "To a limited extent," is my favorite phrase. In other words: no one from outside middle Georgia would ever want to come to this school. Middle Georgia College, a two-year college, for students who want a quarter of the education in only half the time.

Wow, I don't usually comment on sites like these but to be honest, I felt there was some confusion. If this guy is not worth your time, what is the point in a) looking up his xanga name, b) asking people to google him and c)doing enough research on him to be classified as a background check. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. You do sound fairly articulate so I know you must have an intelligence level above the normal primate, so why waste your time with boys who pop their color, brag about their retail positions and will be pumping your gas as soon as they fail enough classes in college?

Petty tirades against the future STD-ridden retail mafia of the future are not only pointless because half of what you say to them won't be understood, but it's also a vast waste of talent on your part. This kid sounds like the type who spends thousands on hairgel, sea shell necklaces and Axe aftershave, and types with one hand, periodically switching so the hand he's jerking off with won't get tired.


Kim, I believe I sufficiently addressed the points you raised in my entry, but to perhaps reiterate more explicitly: while [redacted] might indeed be destined to be pumping my gas in a few years (provided I ever stop at a full service station) and worth neither my time nor talent, his existence provides strong support for the theories I ventured in my post last year on antidepressants and thus, in my opinion, validates the 20 minutes or so I spent tracking him down.

This entry was never an attempt on my part to express my sentiments towards an indignant (and most likely, intoxicated) commenter; like I said above, I must first respect someone for them to actually be able to insult me. Instead, I was simply supporting an argument I had made with a prime example of the class of people who I hold nothing but contempt for on the Internet.

I don't have enough faith in [redacted] or those like him to actually believe he would comprehend the magnitude of insults I delivered upon him. Addressing him in a letter was simply a rhetorical device used to amuse the literate and equally elitist readership of this blog I do respect and value.

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