September 26, 2009

Twelve Hours of Hate

For those who have had the extreme misfortune of having made my acquaintance, the subject of my consummate hatred for everything and everyone, myself most of all, should not be news. Nevertheless, even while we may understand that generally, I am a curmudgeon, the extent and obscurity of my hatred had never been studied in detail—that is, until this summer.

On a road trip back from New York to Chicago in August, my friend decided as we were leaving Manhattan to note whenever I said I hate something. Over the next twelve hours and a number of topics of conversation, he managed to create a list of thirty-one items—a window into my hatred, if you will.

The result was surprising, even to me. Damn, I'm a hater! For those who are interested, I have reproduced the list below in its entirety (the original will be framed).

September 18, 2009

The Fall from (Geek) Grace

While stories of devastating, relentless failure with women—and in life more broadly—are so commonplace to my miserable existence (and this blog) as to be passé, one should never doubt my unfaltering capacity to achieve new lows with each passing year. This week brought just such a low, and in an unlikely arena—technology—demonstrating clearly that my material worthlessness is not limited to social interactions, but instead permeates the very fabric of my being.

September 13, 2009

On Football and Friendships

I realized last night as I left the Cal alumni bar in Chicago, having just watched my beloved Golden Bears rack up fifty-something points for the second week in a row, that I probably care more about Cal football than almost anything else in my (necessarily futile) life—including people. The sheer silliness of the previous statement ought not be dismissed lightly. But neither should the grain of truth that rests beneath it. And as I made my way back home on that warm autumn night, if there was anything I was certain about, it was that surely there was some truth to that sentiment. The realization, moreover, made me profoundly uncomfortable, though I am still at a loss as to explain precisely why.