November 03, 2006

Pave the Roads, Assholes

With the 2006 midterm elections nearing, and the politicos, hacks, wonks, and worthless bloggers with delusions of grandeur of every persuasions all beside themselves to cover the election, I thought I might interject my always unwanted 2 cents. For us Californians lucky enough to live in a state in which our representatives are a foregone conclusion—and thus, our vote inconsequential when compared with, say, some shit hole in Ohio (three cheers for the electoral college!)—this election will really be about the large number of nebulous propositions that are on the ballot. I have not yet had a chance to go through them all, but I'm willing to bet that they are, as usual, mostly futile efforts to do good or worse, help people that will without fail ultimately end in billions of dollars in wasted expenditures and no tangible benefit to society. Thus, allow me to propose a Proposition that goes against the political grain and purports to provide an immediate benefit regardless of one's party affiliation, race, creed, or socioeconomic status. I call it Proposition 0: Pave the Roads, Assholes.

So what's this proposition about? Well, in a nutshell, it's about paving the so-called Yay Area's hopelessly decrepit, pothole-laden streets (you asshole). For too long, me (and my car) have had to suffer the awful streets that make any trip from point A to point B worse than a roller coaster ride in hell. It was bad enough in Berkeley, but well into my second year living in San Francisco, I can honestly say that I have never experienced worse road conditions anywhere in California than in the beautiful City (and County) of San Francisco.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love San Francisco—except for those bums and freakin' MUNI and . . . well, you get the point. But, with some of the most expensive property values in the United States (and consequently property taxes) as well as the highest cost of living, one would expect that the roads would be in better condition than, say, San Francisco, circa 1848. Alas, I do not think it could be worse than if we were all still riding around in horses and buggies—well, except for all that horse shit in the streets and whatnot.

For a long time, I have waited for our esteemed political representatives to do something, but I guess they were just too preoccupied jerking off and filing wonderfully useful resolutions against preemptive war that clearly have had a significant impact, not only on all the lives of us in San Francisco, but also, everyone in the collective United States. This election year, I was looking for a candidate—any candidate—I could support who may make fixing the egregious roads a priority. To this date, I have found no one. Thus, my public proclamation of Proposition 0 today.

At this point, any candidate who advocates paving the streets has my vote. I don't care who she is or what she supports. Really. Did you hear that, you vote-groveling politicians? Pave the streets. Not just in the Marina. Not just in Pac Heights. Everywhere. Take out municipal bonds, fund it yourself, raise fairs, tolls—do whatever the hell it is you want to do. But for God's sake, do something. Get off your asses, stop wasting my hard-earned tax dollars, and PAVE THE GODDAMN STREETS. Assholes.