June 14, 2007

The Cross of Syringes

Hot on the heels of today's announcement in the San Francisco Chronicle that my dearly beloved (or intensely loathed) City of Berkeley is (finally) attempting to do something about the awful menace of transients and cracked-out bums that terrorize its streets, I would like to proudly announce the official release of the San Francisco Platform (Hope for a New Tomorrow) and the candidacy of my roommate, G-Unit (a.k.a. BliNG), for Mayor of San Francisco. For too long, we noble denizens of this great city have chafed under the yoke of soul-crushing inefficiencies and mind-numbing bureaucratic ineptitude. No longer shall we stand by as our enlightened city is overrun by bums, idiots, tourists, hipsters, and junkies! Have faith, ye with jobs and homes, and you shall be rewarded.

July 02, 2008

The MTA Suck Factor

As anyone who has ever suffered the gross misfortune of being forced to use the disgraceful San Francisco MUNI knows altogether too well, the number of trains that go by in the opposite direction while you wait impatiently, alternating between swatting away bums and staring at one's watch with an ever-increasing homicidal rage, is a decent proxy for one's frustration with that woeful system at any given time. Cody the Freak crystallized this concept as the MUNI Suck Factor, which BChalk later modified to the MUNI Suck Ass Factor, as I discussed earlier. While this conceptualization served me well in SF, it requires modification to properly reflect the state of affairs in New York City, as there are several more variables to consider in gaging anger and frustration.

July 06, 2008

Vindication at Long Last

Almost two years ago, I wrote an impassioned article about the deplorable condition of the roads in San Francisco, Calif., imploring the incompetent many charged with the city's upkeep to do something—anything—about it. When nothing became of my cries for help (as nothing should, considering the trivial and marginalized existence that I lead), the disaffected boys of 1524 released the San Francisco Platform to rectify the gross injustices that faced our venerable city. The first priority was to pave the roads (assholes), followed closely by flushing the 'Loin clean of the failed human beings that currently inhabit it (Taking Back the 'Loin), and privatizing the much-hated MUNI system (of which, more here and here).

Though our mayoral challenge imploded in a tepid burst of complacence and unplanned life events (no, no one impregnated anyone; both G-Unit and I moved across the country to go to graduate school), at long last, we have found vindication for all the blood, sweat, and tears that we expended. As P-Diddy pointed out today, our fight has not been in vain. The roads in SF are finally being paved!