March 11, 2003

Is There No Sacred Place Left?

Everywhere I go, I'm hounded by the self-righteous, incompetent political activists and in my eyes, their equivalent counterpart, the unfriendly, completely insane bums that traverse the streets of Berkeley, reeking havoc on all who dare to WALK in the city in which they pay taxes. I've grown accustomed to dealing with their shit on Sproul Plaza and now Dwinelle Plaza. I figure, it's my fault—I know this as a hotbed of morons and if I choose to walk through this area, in order to save time/energy, I take the implicit risk of being harassed by one of the freaks.

April 06, 2003

Enough is Enough!

Sunday. It's laundry day. The last two have resulted in me discovering the bottom rung of society as well as realizing that the laundromat is the worst place ever. Today was no exception to this general trend of horrible laundromat experiences, but I think it was the most significant because it was very upsetting to me. Let me describe it from the beginning.

June 14, 2007

The Cross of Syringes

Hot on the heels of today's announcement in the San Francisco Chronicle that my dearly beloved (or intensely loathed) City of Berkeley is (finally) attempting to do something about the awful menace of transients and cracked-out bums that terrorize its streets, I would like to proudly announce the official release of the San Francisco Platform (Hope for a New Tomorrow) and the candidacy of my roommate, G-Unit (a.k.a. BliNG), for Mayor of San Francisco. For too long, we noble denizens of this great city have chafed under the yoke of soul-crushing inefficiencies and mind-numbing bureaucratic ineptitude. No longer shall we stand by as our enlightened city is overrun by bums, idiots, tourists, hipsters, and junkies! Have faith, ye with jobs and homes, and you shall be rewarded.

June 17, 2008

Welcome to New York, Bum Style

Earlier this week, Heavy-D insinuated that the vast improvement in weather in Chicago immediately following my hasty departure on Sunday was not readily explained as mere coincidence. Normally, I would not be apt to disagree. Given my dour outlook and surly disposition, it is not unfathomable that bad weather follows me around as though my life was a (seriously depressing) cartoon. Unfortunately, as much as I aspire to be like Eeyore (see nearby drawing), the rather pleasant weather here in New York City squarely contradicts this notion.

The sentiment may not be entirely misplaced, however. While bad weather might not follow me around as much as I would like, another thing invariably does. That's right. Bums. Oh, how I've missed them so.

June 29, 2008

Wet, Hot, Sticky American Summer

Seeing as how this is my first time living on the Right Coast since the mid 1980s (B-more represent!), one of my goals for the summer when I moved out here was to check out the bigger cities on the eastern seaboard that I have either never been to or not been to in decades. In that vein, on Saturday I tossed a change of clothes and a copy of Guns and Ammo into my briefcase, and hopped on the (Chinatown) bus to our nation's capital, Washington, D.C. It promised to be a wet, hot, American summer—if you know what I mean.

July 06, 2008

Vindication at Long Last

Almost two years ago, I wrote an impassioned article about the deplorable condition of the roads in San Francisco, Calif., imploring the incompetent many charged with the city's upkeep to do something—anything—about it. When nothing became of my cries for help (as nothing should, considering the trivial and marginalized existence that I lead), the disaffected boys of 1524 released the San Francisco Platform to rectify the gross injustices that faced our venerable city. The first priority was to pave the roads (assholes), followed closely by flushing the 'Loin clean of the failed human beings that currently inhabit it (Taking Back the 'Loin), and privatizing the much-hated MUNI system (of which, more here and here).

Though our mayoral challenge imploded in a tepid burst of complacence and unplanned life events (no, no one impregnated anyone; both G-Unit and I moved across the country to go to graduate school), at long last, we have found vindication for all the blood, sweat, and tears that we expended. As P-Diddy pointed out today, our fight has not been in vain. The roads in SF are finally being paved!