April 29, 2003

The Sound of Your Voice

Everyone mildly complains about people who talk a lot, will never shut up, and love the sound of their own voice. But no one really rips these bastards. I'm going to take the liberty of doing so.

Most people, when they say something, talk because they are trying to express something, whether it is a thought or a feeling. The stupid, stubborn, holistically incompetent 'tards (aka stupid SHITs) feel no such restriction in their own ramblings. It is clearly apparent that the only reason they speak is that they think their voice is a God given gift and feel compelled to share it with us. Let me say this: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SPEAK. But I'm not going to argue with your voice being divine -- it is. A divine curse. It doesn't really get worse than this. My hell is being in a room filled with pretentious dumb shits all talking at once, for eternity.

This breed of primordial scum can be divided into two distinct categories: the openly "annoying assholes," and the "sneaky shitheads." The openly annoying assholes are the ones most people commonly associate with this pestilence. They speak out a lot in class, mostly out of turn, and feel the need to comment on anything and EVERYTHING that is said, whether they have anything relevant to say or not. You can't get away from these folks ... they are everywhere -- in high school, in college, in offices ... in life. I like to see this very simply: say you lived next to a sewage treatment plant for whatever reason. If you didn't come to terms with the horrendous smell of shit that pervades your existence, you would go mad and probably end up killing yourself or others or both. Same way with the "annoying asshole" breed. You just have to accept them as an unnecessary, but ever present evil (like bums) and deal with it. Or come up with a scheme to kill them all. I will donate to your cause. Otherwise, they will drive you mad and you will become just another statistic. Another "normal" person driven to suicide. This breed revels on it. They have club meetings where they boast of how many people they drove to suicide. Don't give them the satisfaction of getting to you. Ignore them, and if they say something dumb, call them a dumbass.

The other breed is the more scary one. The so-called "sneaky shitheads" are truly a college invention I think. These are the people who ask elaborate, mind-numbingly incompentent questions in class just to hear themselves speak and perhaps appear knowledgeable to the professor. In high school, most people don't need to do this, because high school is tolerant of the "annoying assholes." In college, professors will not tolerate fools making comments in the middle of lecture. But many professors STILL cater to the "sneaky shithead" variety. I'll give you an example: yesterday, this one guy asked a question that must have had 50 parts to it. He was literally speaking for about 5 minutes. "So what if this happens, and then I want to know about this and then ... blah blah blah." The instructor kept looking at him to finish with a pained expression on his face, waiting for him to finish. Not to mention, none of the questions he asked had ANY relevance whatsoever to ANYTHING. It didn't make sense. How can someone be that dumb? Not only did it waste time, but after the instructor responded, he asked FOLLOW UP questions. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES. JUST DIE YOU DUMBASS!

I'm not against people asking questions in lecture. Sometimes things need to be clarified. But there is a difference between asking a clarifying question and saying something that you think makes you look smart. Incredibly, sometimes people raise their hand and just make a statement. What the hell? "I just wanted to say that I adore the Fourier Series and want to have sex with Fourier and bear his children." There are many things wrong with this: (1) Fourier is dead, (2) you're in engineering and thus a guy and NOT ABLE TO HAVE KIDS, and most importantly, (3) I DON'T CARE! SHUT UP! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF YOU LOVE THE FOURIER SERIES or even Fourier. That wasn't even a question you idiot!

Humanities are more guilty of promoting this plague. In engineering, most likely the morons who say something dumb and asanine will be rejected. Two examples: in CS 61c, Patterson used to make fun of people in the front row who said dumb shit. That was awesome. It made me happy. Also, in EE 20, the same couple of folks ask dumb ass questions in lecture, and it's very satisfying to hear Varaiya be like, "No, you're wrong." The unsaid, but evident addition is -- "Wow, you're stupid." In my English class however, no disease control is practiced. "Discussion " is encouraged. Meaning any assclown with something stupid to say can speak. And speak they do. For hours at a time. Today, someone made a statement about her feelings towards the novel. The professor responded, and then was going to continue, but the girl wasn't finished. She continued to express her views. No one cared about them, but that was besides the point. The person sitting next to her, not to be outdone, then proceeded to share her thoughts, none of which were original. This isn't SHOW and TELL dumbasses. Or your support group either. No one cares about your feelings, about anything, much less this novel. Shut up. Look up the word "lecture" in the dictionary. It doesn't include you saying dumb shit.

So what are my conclusions on this subject? I have maintained this from day one of college: Lecture is a time for the professor to speak, not jackass time. Pester the professor with your questions in OFFICE HOURS. I can't imagine being a professor and having to deal with the so-called "inquisitive" minds. I would need three shots of some hard alcohol before any office hours. And also, the loud mouth freaks need to be shot down. If not literally, at least verbally. Maybe being continuously rejected and insulted will shut them up. If that doesn't work, there is always duct tape. What can you do to help? Any time anyone says something asanine and/or butts in where their opinion is not asked for, tell them to shut up. "No one asked you, now did they? SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING?" Or more nicely, "I wasn't speaking to you, you dumbass." You know, when I was little, everyone used to always say "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." I never believed that. It's not correct. We should really teach the kids, "If you don't have anything intelligent to say, then shut the hell up because chances are, no one wants to hear it." Who's with me on this?