May 22, 2003

Investing in Death

SUMMER HAS FINALLY ARRIVED! And it did not begin to rain immediately after my last final! I'm so happy, it is unbelievable. Anyway, today, as I was walking to the South Side in the morning, I saw lots of folks wearing graduation gowns and all that other good stuff. At Telegraph, I saw so many flower vendors and the lines forming for parents and family types to buy flowers for their graduating students, it was ridiculous.

I wanted to go up to them, and say, do you realize that by buying all these flowers at such a goddamn expensive price, you are just investing in death?! That's right. I think buying flowers is one of the biggest wastes of money possible. Seriously, why the hell would you spend $40 on dead plants? Why? It makes absolutely no sense. FORTY DOLLARS is a lot of money, dammit! Think about it: forty dollars is a nice meal at a decent restaurant for one or two people, depending on how fat you are. Forty dollars is a week's worth of McDonalds, if you chose to eat it twice a day. Hell, with forty dollars, I could buy a month's worth of mac and cheese. (The fact that I would want to kill myself in a week is entirely besides the point.)