February 24, 2004

Hope for the Hopeless

1,3,7-trimethylxanthine

Caffeine. It is America's drug of choice—perhaps the whole world's—and doubly so if you look at the college-age population. In making this assertion, I am overtly and consciously ignoring alcohol as the college drug of choice. This is for many reasons, most important of which is the fact that I have something to say about caffeine and this introductory paragraph is really just crap. Another equally important reason on which I will justify my decision is that caffeine is the college drug of choice used with some beneficial purpose in mind. Again, I am sure people will contest this last point, claiming alcohol too can be used for beneficial purposes, particularly for saying and doing (sketchy) things with relative impunity. Point conceded. If your purpose is to tell that bastard that he really sucks or that man/woman that you would not mind doing them, I grant you that alcohol will definitely help you on your way there. Restricting the definition of beneficial to substances that aid in academics or work, however, removes alcohol from the mix, as it has no beneficial role to play in this context. And no, it still does not count as beneficial if you are suicidal and need to drink to get through school or work.