February 14, 2005

On St. Valentine's Day

Given my long and well-documented history of bitterness, cynicism, and heartlessness, I suppose it is almost a necessity that I post on St. Valentine's Day to denounce all money that is spent and bullshit that is endured on this fateful day each year in the name of love and romance. I must admit, however, that the reason I have remained so uncharacteristically complacent about the patron saint of lovers and his holiday in the three years that I have written in this blog is that, frankly, I do not have anything against February 14th. What?

That's right. You heard me. I don't hate Valentine's Day. That's not to say I like it—I really just don't have any opinion on it. Totally neutral. Like Switzerland. In fact, I even enjoy this time of year, because those little candy hearts are damn good. I suppose I could attack the shameless commercialism or the foolish sentiments, or perhaps even all the dead plants, but realistically, that's all been said before, and like I said, it doesn't bug me that much. Plus, as Lizzy pointed out earlier today, almost all my posts are bitter, cynical, heartless diatribes on Valentine's Day anyway, if not in substance, than in spirit.

Before all you people out there who rely on me to be the pillar of strength against a world obsessed with romance freak out, let me just tell you that this minor admission does not mean I have changed my cynical viewpoints or contemptuous nature. You don't yet have to worry about me running out to spend $40 on a bouquet of flowers to blindly throw at the first woman I find mildly attractive. I've simply realized that Valentine's Day or not, the people I hate and the reasons I hate them remain the same. Reading down my buddy list today, I saw only two kinds of away messages: the cheerful, kissy-smiley-filled ones of people presumably in relationships, and the angry bitter ones of those who are not. This is when I realized what the fundamental problem is: people use relationships entirely too much to judge their own self-worth. This may seem self-evident and trivial, but if you think about it more, it's not.

Why is Valentine's Day such a big deal for people? Why do people get depressed if they don't have a significant other to spend February 14th with? Why does everyone not in a relationship become insanely jealous of all those who are around this time? Isn't Valentine's Day supposed to be about love? And by love, I don't mean bullshit or what Hallmark says it is or what you think it should be based on all the crappy soap operas you watch; I mean the emotion that signifies caring, compassion, and commitment. If two people need a specific day of the year to clarify their feelings or require chocolate, flowers, and meaningless phrases to express them, why should I or anyone else care? Are people really that desperately in need of validation that they must constantly have someone to dote on them and tell them they are not worthless, because that seems pretty damn pathetic to me. So, for all you lamenting Singles Awareness Day, I would advise you to stop being such a mess and starting having some confidence and self-esteem. Believe me: you don't need a relationship; you need to start living your life.

As for me, all I have to say is this: for all of you out there who have someone to spend today with, I couldn't be more happy for you; for all you pathetic assholes sitting alone in your dark room, wallowing in bitterness and self-pity, I hope your next date realizes what a deplorable mess you are and dumps your ass then and there. I have no sympathy for your kind. Oh yeah—Happy Valentine's Day.