June 30, 2011

On the Purported Death (and Subsequent Rebirth) of the Oxford Comma

As I am sure you very well realize, dear readers, the rants on this squalid site are no longer what they once were. Part of the explanation, I'd like to think, is that with age has come maturity, but those familiar with my predisposition to irrational and obscure rants will note that this can hardly be the full story (if, in fact, it explains anything at all).

A more plausible explanation for the dearth of rants in recent times might be Twitter. With most of my rants fixated now as before on (a) bums, (b) transit, and (c) more bums, 140 characters on Twitter is usually sufficient (or at the very least, forces me to be succinct, which is certainly no loss). Sometimes, however, a tragedy of epic proportions unveils itself such that no amount of tweeting can ever suffice. Yesterday was such a time (as I observed briefly on, yes, Twitter). And it is to this source of all-consuming darkness to which I turn in this entry.

I speak, of course, of the immense outrage that was unleashed on the web yesterday when news broke that the University of Oxford was to drop from its style guide the grammar device that bears its name—the (glorious!) Oxford comma. Having been a lifelong proponent with (perhaps) unreasonably strong feelings on the subject, the devastation with which this news hit me was unprecedented. Worse still, having been engaged in a guerrilla war for the Oxford comma since entering the workplace years ago, I was confronted with life after one of my most reputable allies had abandoned the cause. How would I justify the continuation of hostilities? What would I say to haters and naysayers if Oxford no longer supported the Oxford comma? How could I go on? I don't know about you, but a world without the Oxford comma is not a world in which I could bear living (I can hardly bear it as it is).

After blinking back tears at the awfulness of it all, I prepared my thoughts into a 140 character outburst. I vowed to go on fighting the good fight. The pursuit of futility, whether in advocacy of the Oxford comma or choosing to continue existing, is nothing new to me after all.

Several developments since then prompt me to write tonight. First and foremost was the enormous outpouring of support and sympathy I received over the last day. Realizing that I am not alone in my undying devotion to the Oxford comma was certainly nice, if for no other reason than it made me forget—momentarily, of course—that in larger and more consequential matters (such as, for instance, life) we are almost certainly all alone.

Second, it was pointed out that the office that published the policy was independent from the University of Oxford Press, which continues to advocate for the judicious use of this device. That is, of course, a welcome development and it certainly reduces the pain and suffering that I have experienced in the last day and a half. Ultimately, however, I must disagree with those wont to dismiss this as simply a reporting fuck up that poses no threat to the eminent Oxford comma. Autonomous or not, the fact that some department affiliated with the University could reject the device bearing the University's name makes it remarkably troublesome nonetheless. Grammar rules do not die by nuclear explosions; they die of a thousand cuts, and this was a deep one.

Third, I was informed last night by a fellow brother-in-arms of a nascent rebranding effort that seeks to take advantage of Oxford's ignominious renunciation. I speak of none other than my lovely (much loathed Hyde Park notwithstanding) law school alma mater, The University of Chicago. Since the Chicago Manual of Style, a book that I absolutely adore and with which I have inordinate familiarity from two years of journal editing, has a thorough defense of the serial comma, could we come to call it the Chicago Comma? Certainly, given Oxford's traitorous ways, I would not be opposed.

Fundamentally, however, branding is not my fight. Whether it's called the Oxford comma, the Chicago comma, or merely the serial comma, is of little import. What matters is that it exists and is used. And that is precisely where I intend to direct my efforts—the guerrilla war for the Oxford Chicago comma shall continue unabated!

Put otherwise: you can take my Oxford comma when you pry it from my cold, dead hands! Assholes.