September 10, 2003

Drowning In Shit

Ever had that feeling of complete and utter hopelessness? No, I'm not talking about depression and I'm definitely not suicidal. But with the beginning of this week, I had so much backlog of homework, emails, forms, paperwork, programming, reading, and writing to do, that I felt like I was literally drowning. But it wasn't a relatively nice feeling of drowning, where I was submerged in water. Nope. Instead, it was a feeling of drowning in a viscous substance, like quicksand or mud, where try as a I might, movement only worsened my situation. But to make matters worse, a lot of the stuff that I had to do was just inane nonsense and thus I arrive upon the title of my entry, Drowning in Shit.

Now the use of the phrase "drowning in shit" brings forth a number of different images, none of which are particularly pleasant. However, this disgusting imagery is exactly what my aim was in using that phrase, because it is exactly how I have been feeling the last few days. The cause isn't too difficult to determine either. After four nights of duty in one week and then all of Saturday being wasted at the game, which we lost anyway, and then all of Sunday going to errands, I accomplished absolutely nothing this weekend, thus creating a situation where I had too much to do in too little time. I fell into the vicious cycle that many a procrastinator knows all to well, where the entire night before an assignment is due is devoted to that assignment (as it has yet to be started), and as such, all other tasks not immediately important are postponed to the next day. This repeats, with only the work that absolutely must be completed by the next day actually happening. Then the weekend arrives and since nothing is due either Saturday or Sunday, work completely stops as exhaustion is imminent from working on what was due. Repeat and renew. Repeat and renew. Until finally there is so much accumulated work and so little time to complete it all, that things are sacrificed and soon everything blows up and then there is the sensation of drowning - drowning in shit that is.

Monday night, I had anticipated completing my CS 164 project within a matter of hours, since the code was done and all I had to do was run a few test cases. As it turned out, the test cases took forty minutes each to make up and then I discovered errors, so I basically spent the rest of the night debugging. Monday wasted, I entered Tuesday with only one goal in mind and that was to start AND finish my as of yet untouched EE 105 problem set. But as is my luck, Tuesday got of to a bad start, as only horrible days can.

6:26AM: Awakened by the sound of construction beginning at Cleary Hall. Think to myself that this has been going on for almost two weeks now and that I should get around to closing the window that's closest to my bed. Promptly fall back asleep.

7:42AM: Wake up again, look at clock and realize that my alarm just never went off. Cute. Class at Cory in 18 minutes. Cory is a 15 min walk for me, walking at full speed. Get up and go to the bathroom, put on clothes, and get ready to leave. Realize my hair is so poofy that it is unacceptable to leave the building. Try and fail to get it to unpoof. Mental note to look if my shampoo gives extra body or something.

8:46AM: Professor starts talking about weird shit in EE105 lecture concerning electron particles bumping into gas molecules. Completely lose track of lecture and realize I don't know what the hell is going on in this class.

9:42AM: Return home to shower. Go to pee first and while doing so, a bunch of residents come in, yelling and bumping into walls, causing me to lose concentration and nearly pee on my feet. Mental note: stab anyone who bumps into stall while I'm peeing.

10:23AM: Arrive at Gardner Main Stacks to work on EE problem set. Progress is good, and I am able to complete the first 4 problems without incident. Look at problem #6 and realize it has a "SPICE" component to it. Immediately become furious, because I hate SPICE, primarily because I don't know the syntax for it.

11:45AM: Leave library to pick up lunch so I can meet up with Garett, Donna, and Farouk for lunch. As I walk outside, realize that it is raining, that I'm getting wet, and that I'm wearing a T-Shirt. Curse the weather and stamp my feet, angrily, because it's September and it's raining.

2:15PM: Return to library to work on EE. Spend 2 hours and make no progress.

6:00PM: Go to DC to eat. It's the worst meal I've ever had there. And I've had a lot of meals there. Icing on the cake, so to speak for this horrible day.

9:14PM: Leave hall staff meeting and go to work on EE hw. Spend next 2.5 hours floundering and still make no progress on the homework.

11:45PM: Head to La Burrita with Lauren and Jack. Realize I'm not going to be sleeping for a long time.

2:34AM: Write a bitter entry in my blog, detailing my hatred for life and all of the shit it entails.

2:36AM: Fall asleep, wishing the week would just end.

So there you have it. This is why I hate life right now. I'm sure once I catch up on my work and pull myself out of the whirlpool of shit that has consumed me, I will be able to not hate the world. Or perhaps, I shouldn't even direct my anger at the world. It really only has to do with my STUPID EE105 class, that I would love to drop but need to take.