April 17, 2004

Cal Day, Take Four

Today was Cal Day. Like Open House at elementary school ... except my parents didn't show up. Everyone else's parents did though. What's more strange than that though, is that this is my fourth consecutive Cal Day. That's semi-scary. Means I've been here a bit too long.

My first Cal Day, back in 2001 as a high school senior was what made me decide to come to Berkeley. In 2002, I worked in the Academic Center, answering questions of prospective students. Last year, 2003, I did a student panel and worked the Chancellor's Address in the morning. This year I was in the ResHalls giving tours to students (and their overbearing parents). So not only have I lived through four Cal Days, but I've also actively participated in all of them. I like doing it though - Cal Day was really what convinced me to come to Cal and if I can help other people make the same choice, all the better. In fact, I enjoy the work so much, that I actually ended up working both shifts for tours and despite the exhaustion I'm feeling now, I've got no regrets.

The difference this year, however, was that I really felt the age gap. I could barely remember coming to the dorms and having concerns about room sizes and showers. Everyone seemed so young and so confused. But it wasn't them. It was me - three years removed from the situation and unable to relate. While being significantly older was slightly disconcerting, I can't bring myself to be nostalgic for that time. Being a freshman was fun and I had a great year, but I don't think I'd want to go back to it. I've got bigger and better things to do.

On the contrary, what I am beginning to feel most nostalgic about is being on the other side. After three years of working in student services in some capacity (AC, CalSO, RA), I'm wondering what it'll be like next year, when I'm not doing any of them. My decision to leave the RA position was more a matter of circumstance than choice, and as such, I'm already semi-depressed (as much as my stoic nature will allow me to be) about the impending loss of involvement. I suppose that change is necessary and inevitable, but sometimes its not exactly agreeable.

The prospect of hardcore classwork next year doesn't make things much better. Lately, I've been feeling really tired of school. Not any one particular class or subject - all my classes this semester are pretty interesting - but just the notion of school. The late nights, the early mornings, the perpetual feeling of exhaustion bordering on illness: day after day after day, with no end in sight. I definitely need summer. But maybe that's not it. Maybe it's bigger than that. Maybe I am just getting ready to move on past college. At the same time, I'm definitely not ready to go out and fend for myself. I guess the next year will really be a test of what I want more: the comfort and convenience of student life or the freedom and novelty of the real world.