Rohit's Realm

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October 17, 2004

Perilous Idealism

Maybe it's the recent change in weather or perhaps just all the stress I've been under recently, but I've really had it with needy, whiny, tormented idiots vainly chasing an idyllic romance and true love, all the while drowning in a torrentous sea of despair, failed expectations, and unreasonable idealism. The situation has reached epidemic proportions, afflicting both men and women, and taking no consideration of race, ethnicity, or creed. Worse, it only seems to get more pronounced with each passing year.

Two events sparked my writing of this post today. The first one happened at Smart Alec's this afternoon, while I was waiting to pick up lunch. Two guys were sitting behind me, going on and on about one of the guy's relationship problems. The first guy (with the problems) was visibly distraught, talking incoherently about his girlfriend breaking up with him and how much he loved her. He was at most seventeen years old. The second situation happened at Mario's this evening while I waited for my dinner. Here, the gender roles were reversed, and three women were sitting at a table next to me, talking about recently failed relationships, and postulating whether wanting a knight in shining armor was really too much to ask for.

As my frustration over being forced to overhear these conversations grew and anger at the restaurant for not giving me my food faster peaked, I began to think more about the misguided penchant for romantic idealism that has afflicted more and more of those around me in the last few years. People seem to be growing more separated from reality, going from one failed and disastrous relationship to another, each time emerging with a stronger faith in finding the right one the next time around. This sort of resolute idealism is as dangerous as it is deluded. In establishing an unattainable ideal of what is right, one inevitably also establishes a firm precedent for unmitigated failure and ceaseless unhappiness.

Adolescent incantations of true love, cheesy romantic comedies, and idiotic glamor magazines notwithstanding, the reality of the situation is that more than 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce. A coin has a better probability of coming up heads than you do of successfully marrying someone. A frequently stated fact by conservative and reactionary politicians in attacking the youthful counterculture and cited as evidence for the need to return to the good ol' days (of repression, segregation, and abstinence), I find the alarmingly high divorce rate to be caused by an entirely different source.

It's not that Cupid has been failing more often in the past years, or that the gene pool has been diluted, but more likely that people have simply become victims of their capricious expectations and unwavering idealism. I've got news for all you foolish people who still believe: there is no Mr./Ms. Right! Not in any sense that you may have established, anyway. No knights in shining armor will descend to sweep you off your feet (and if they did, you'd be better of calling the police) nor will any Prince Charmings sit next to you tomorrow. There is no Juliet waiting for you Romeo, nor is there any Daisy for you Gatsby. Fairy tales aren't real and epic romances are just stories. Real life isn't like Pride and Prejudice; it's like Dr. Zhivago.

Now it is not my intention to discuss Destiny or Fate in this post, since these topics are well beyond the scope of my writing ability. Instead, my point here is simply to say that if you are, in fact, one of those self identified hopeless romantics, what you really are is hopelessly destined for failure. The fundamental fact of the matter is that relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are necessarily founded on compromise while romantic idealism is built upon the notion of an uncompromising paragon match.

These two views are ineluctably incompatible and only one is grounded in reality. So stop your incessant whining, lovesick crying, and tormented whimpering! No one but your equally deluded friends cares, and it's incredibly annoying to the rest of us! Plus, it's in your best interest to come to terms with reality so you have some chance of happiness in the future. Just think of romance like politics: it's not about finding the best person for the job; it's about finding the least terrible.


Right on! You said exactly what needed to be said. Thank you.

on and on and on about the same old stuff, but what got my attention was that you ate out twice in one day. shouldn't you be saving your money from your expensive armani suits?


Tell me something i haven't heard before. And in less words next time please.

And how did you allow yourself to be convinced by a 17 year old talking about love and write a page of cynical ranting? Seriously, what's new? Has there been a time in recent history when young ppl didn't think idealistically and innocently? I'm sure in the 50's, we were oh much more innocent and idealistic than we are now. Yet you huff and puff about the astounding divorce rate of 2003. You claim you do not intend to talk about destiny and fate since it's "beyond the scope of my writing ability," (it's beyond yours and anyone else's intellect more so) yet your central message is that there IS no such thing as fate or destiny in terms of finding mr/mrs right. Look, what i'm saying is that ppl should be allowed to be idealistic and perceive however they please. Love should not be defined by anyone, certainly not you. Its level of meaning and significance lies within each and every person's own perspective.

Incorrect. My central message is that the way people nowadays perceive love and relations sets them up with expectations that no actual partner can ever fulfill, thus leading to unhappiness and a feeling of discontent.

Once again, I'm not saying that people should not be allowed to be idealistic and define love in anyway they please, but what I am saying is, pragmatically, hoping that some fairy tale lover will some how materialize, is unsound thinking. The problem with pursuing perfection is that then one will never be satisfied with anything less.

So, "=)," you see, this isn't an opinion on how to love, so much as a warning on what happens when one thinks of love in a certain way. And regarding the length of the post, I didn't realize I was catering to an audience that's accustomed to normally reading Bernstein Bears ... would it help if I used smaller words too?

hahaha, don't be dissing the bernstein bears. robert would have a fit! (see his facebook profile)

and rohit, we'll see when a little lady makes even your ice-cold heart flutter. =)

i do agree with most of the post, and i'll add my own addendum: girls who won't date guys because of them being the same age or younger. Think guys their age are so immature... as if they are the beacon of perfect maturity and they'll find their perfect someone just a year or two above them. Argh, go eat a dick, perferably a young one with plenty of girth left.

wait, that really had nothing to do with the post.
oh well.
good post rohit!


but ROHIT baby doll, i thought we had something special?!?!

I agree... I think love is like a business venture...

I am in complete agreement with Rohit's masterfully stated views on love. Since when was it acceptable in this society to be so blindsighted to the fact that when persuing success there might be failure? since when was it acceptable for the prince charming theory to stop being a theory and become the destiny of every man/woman? Jesus christ, if one looks at one's self, one rarely finds a perfect, not even a pretty picture! And you go out, groping in the dark for someone you will never fully know for the rest of ur short life, and expect him/her to be perfecT? selfish bastards. THis is the propaganda disseminated by the Cosmopolitan/Oprah/Lifetime outlets of the modern day "no holds barred/superwomen of the world unite" feminazi wing. and it has petered into the realm of us men. with the effiminization of men follows this nonsense romance of seeking a perfect partner from an imperfect gender. by the way, lifetime is television for idiots.

ON a more controversial note, i find those who desperatly cling this garbage romance definition are usually one of three, perhaps a cocktail of three things. Fat. Ugly. Dumb. If they were anyhting but, they would not be sitting around in public trying to garner pity from the innocent stranger, wallowing in their grief. They would 1. be smart enough to realize thats just how life is. and 2. they would be already attracting better partners. its the fat, balding, late thirties, live w/ parents/ virgin males that are into dungeons and dragons. its also the fat ugly ill-dispositioned, bitter women who comprise the fascist wing of the feminazi movement.

In conclusion, people need to get over their sad little selves. How can this happen to ME!? when will prince charming come to ME? when will romeo find ME? ME ME FUCKING ME! dont those bastards make themselves sick? ive felt real shitty after breakups w/ girls ive really liked. Sometimes i still do. But you wont find me exercising my grief muscle, wasting other ppls time, and worst of all, putting innocent bystanders through my pain when all they want is fukin lunch. IF your moping about why prince charming hasnt materialized, wondering when cupids good fortune will smile down on "me," or still hve yet to agree w/ rohit or i, i suggest the japanese tradition of seppuku. or fo course if u dont have sharp objects, the hangmans noose isnt to hard to make. Short stop and Sudden drop will send you to whatever paradise you wish.

Wow. It's like Rohit's lesser clone. With more vulgarity! I like!

Quick response to all the comments since my last:

Pat - yes, that had absolutely nothing to do with my post.

Erica - special doesn't necessarily mean ideal.

Ed - taking it to the next level, as always. Awesome.


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