December 13, 2004

Those Who Cry Wolf

If there is one constant event that I can always count on to happen during finals, it is to be woken up in the middle of the night to the annoying and painful sound of a fire alarm blaring in the background. After several experiences both my freshman year, and last year as a RA, I was hoping that this semester would be different since I lived in an apartment and people are less prone to stupidity when not living with thirty other idiots, but sadly, this was not the case.

Last night, I went to bed at around midnight, so I could come to the library early the next morning to study, but rest was not in the cards for me, because only about an hour and a half later, I was woken up by the noisy blaring of the fire alarm. My first thought after I fell out of bed was that this might actually be a fire, but smelling around for smoke, listening for the sirens of fire engines, and feeling the door knob yielded no such indications. No. This was yet another miserable prank by some asshole to ruin my life and the lives of all those around me.

It took about ten minutes for the fire alarm to be turned off, which gave me plenty of time to be fully awakened, anger building with each repetition of the obnoxious noise that would not stop. As I was standing there in my apartment, I began to consider who are the bastards who pull the fire alarm for no reason during finals and what exactly are they hoping to accomplish. I could only come up with two reasons for this bizarre behavior.

1. The first possibility is that assholes who pull the alarm during the finals are under some foolish freshman pre-med conception that they might be able to gain some academic advantage by making all those around them tired. While it may seem repugnant to try to compensate for your obvious intellectual inadequacy through such dirty means, I would not in any way put that past the backstabbing, cutthroat pre-med ass clowns who'd sell there own mother into prostitution if it gave them one point more on the MCAT. If this is indeed the case, someone should really explain to these bastards the difference between relative and absolute advantage. I mean, even if you succeed in making everyone tired by pulling the fire alarm, you gain no relative advantage since everything is on the curve. You're still stupid and those around you are still smarter. Everyone (including you) is tired, so the curve is unchanged; just with a lower mean.
2. The other possibility is that these bastards are simply lonely, socially isolated morons looking for attention. I have never had any sympathy for outcasts, but if this is really the case, then I hope they die. If you're lonely, socially isolated, and desperately looking for attention, that in no way justifies your ruining my rest. Go write idiotic entries in your Xanga or better yet, find friends! And the next time you're looking to get some attention by pulling the fire alarm during finals, I have a better alternative. Just kill yourself. Seriously. End it all. Think about it; doesn't the headline Forlorn student commits suicide in ploy for attention sound a lot better than Ass clown pulls fire alarm again, disturbing sleep of many? At least the former will bring up some comments by sleazy politicians about the tragedy of social isolation imposed by our modern society. The latter brings about nothing but hate and death wishes.

All I know is this: if I ever find some rat bastard who pulled the fire alarm during finals for no reason, there'll be nothing stopping me from bringing pain and suffering on him and his family for as long as I'm physically and mentally able. I hate these assholes so much! Possibly even more than bums!