December 09, 2007

Why Emotional Unavailability Does Not Matter

Though my (perceived) emotional unavailability is likely the most often cited reason for the (necessarily catastrophic) end of nearly all my relationships over the years, I must admit that I have never truly understood what that phrase meant, nor, for that matter, been particularly concerned by my ignorance. First, I have noticed that simply using the mention of the phrase as a cue to stop listening is generally a good idea, and why disrupt a system that works, right? Second, and perhaps more importantly, when it is generally brought up, i.e., at the end of one failed entanglement or another, I am generally well passed the point of interest, and any reason the other party raises is accepted with a nod of the head, and a sympathetic look; comprehension is hardly required. Two recent discussions of emotional unavailability (both my own, and that of others), however, encouraged me to publish about it today. In this article, I will argue, first, that emotional availability as it is generally understood, is completely unnecessary for relationships, successful or otherwise; and second, even assuming that it is important for a relationship, that it is certainly not as fundamental a barrier as self-described hopeless romantics (i.e., idiots) make it out to be.