October 03, 2009

Dark Clouds Brewing

Exactly one year ago, I lamented the passing of my youth, lost forever down a (plastic) bottle of substandard alcohol. Not much has changed since then. And though today I am certainly a year older, and most likely, one dumber as well, the subject of my (much regretted) appearance on this planet is not one that is on my mind today. Instead, even as the continuing farce that is my existence barrels on towards ultimate obscurity and irrelevance, I did see a last this week that carries some significance—at least as much significance as is possible in a life so completely devoid of intrinsic meaning.

This past week was very likely my last first day of school ever. Absent a catastrophic failure (of the academic variety—the rest, I assure you dear readers, are certain to occur), I will finish up law school in approximately nine months, and once again be thrown into the dark abyss of reality from which I have been gleefully hiding the past two odd years. I know I should be feeling something—after all, much of my life for approaching three decades has been dedicated to education. But the emotions such an event should conjure in my mind—excitement, nostalgia, a hint of sadness—none of these is what I feel today. Instead, it is a unsettling combination of weariness, disbelief, boredom, and liminal anxiety that consumes me on this breezy autumn morning.