November 11, 2011

My Romantic Quest: From Cynicism to Nihilism (Part 3)

Part of maintaining a ridiculous blog for nearly a decade, I suppose, is having to confront the ridiculous assertions one has made on said blog in one's (ridiculous) youth. In my case, one such ridiculous assertion in particular might be salient today to those readers who have followed me over the years (and, of course, to those unlucky few who have had the distinct displeasure of having made my acquaintance in person): that I would get married on a triplet date, and more specifically, November 11, 2011 (or 11/11/11). Alas, today is the day of my (Internet) wedding and the bride to be has yet to show—they never do.

Could it be that I was stood up? Could it be that I have only one chance left to marry—12/12/12—until I am old and gray (2/22/22)? Could my storied romantic quest (to ruin my life) have ended in such a failure? Say it ain't so!

Unfortunately, dear readers, so it is. November 11, 2011 (11/11/11!) has come and soon it shall be gone. The only thing left will be my broken heart—and the memories of all those who would have never married me on 11/11/11, let alone 12/12/12. (Obviously, anyone inclined to marry me—God save them—would be more likely to do so on 11/11/11, a Friday, than 12/12/12, a Wednesday, for reasons that ought to be obvious.)

Luckily, though, the passing of 11/11/11 shall not mark the end of my (necessarily futile) romantic quest (to ruin my life). With the Realm (and my income) back after a lengthy and sad law school hiatus, I am once again able to offer women everywhere anything they want.

I would expand upon that notion, but what I am able to offer women hasn't changed much since I was last gainfully employed:

• My sizable annual electronics and alcohol budgets reappropriated for you during the course of our relationship.
• My uninterrupted attention, loosely translated as romance—flowers, candy, love letters, and all kinds of other stupid shit sappy people care about.
• Dedication as the person to whom I owe it all if I ever become rich and/or famous. There would, of course, also be monetary compensation for the former.
• The warm, fuzzy feeling of having played a vital role in my romantic quest to ruin my life.

Plus ça change, plus c'est pareil. So, what do you say dear (female) readers? 12/12/12?