March 09, 2006

Rohit Sucks

After four years of writing necessarily controversial, not to mention angry, bitter, elitist, cynical, vitriolic, and vindictive articles for this web site, I don't think it would surprise any reasonable individual familiar with my site to learn I have achieved a certain degree of notoriety in select circles. Veritably, in light of some of my best (or worst, depending on your perspective) entries ascending in the proverbial Google ranks, it might not even surprise the seasoned reader to learn of a certain reputation amongst complete strangers, fueled by friend-of-friend-of-friend linking and arbitrary searches on the Internet. Certainly, the recent influx of random comments would seem to support that conclusion. Yet, despite all this cursory knowledge, I was still completely unprepared for a fantastic discovery I made today, while errantly scanning statistics for my site.

So, what's this fantastic discovery? Why all this gratuitous build up? Patience, asshole! All things come to those who wait. Anyway, while I was scanning my web server statistics today, I came across a curious search phrase that had caused my site to come up in various search engines: rohit sucks. Now, the phrase in and of itself isn't surprising. Like I mentioned above, I'm not the least bit surprised that some disgruntled reader unwilling to accept the truth I preach might have taken out his or her misplaced frustration or feelings of inadequacy with a disparaging Google search. No. The real surprise came when I googled (is that a verb?) the same phrase to see where exactly I ranked in the world of sucky rohits (much to my dismay, I'm a paltry 11th) and found this store.

Whoa! A whole collection of clothing (and accessories!) dedicated to expressing the same sentiment that has invariably crossed the lips of readers past and present, and with any luck, will cross the lips of readers for years to come. The Rohit Sucks fashion line. I love it!

Lesser individuals, or perhaps, those who haven't had the dubious honor of getting to know me, online or otherwise, might be wondering how I can relish in an affront so grotesque. To those miserable people, I only have one thing to say: are you kidding me? This is awesome! A whole line of fashion affirming what I have toiled for, month after month, year after year for almost half a decade? Finally: Infamy! Notoriety! Ignominy! Venality! Offended? Hell no! I'm honored! To think, some rohit out there -- perchance even me -- is hated so much, there's a store selling clothing to express this hatred. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking of it.

After a bit more investigation into this site, I noted that there are lines like this for several names, just like you might see those keychains at Disneyland with a slew of generic names. But rather than lessening the magnitude of this discovery, that fact only serves to augment it. I have never in my life ever seen one of those generic name things ever include anything remotely close to my name. And believe me, I looked. And it's not like this site is in India, where one might expect rohit to be a normal name. This site is located in Foster City, Calif (granted, that is close to Silicon Valley). The only thing this can mean is that there is enough demand, right here in the good ol' US of A to create a separate, standard line for the necessarily abnormal name of rohit. Yes! Success!

Looking to express your deep-seated hatred of me and all that I stand for? Go and get yourself something. I know I'll be ordering this, and maybe this. Go on! Say it! Rohit Sucks!