October 16, 2002

Register to Vote, Get Free Candy

I was walking out of Bio this morning, and I saw multiple signs entitled: Register to vote & get free candy. I was tempted to go sign up to vote again, attracted to free candy like a moth to light. Then I realized, if I had followed the same instinct say 12–15 years ago, I would have ended up being molested in the back of a windowless van by a forty-something white male (the generic profile of child molester). After thinking about this, I decided to pass on the free candy. Just something to remember the next time you accept free candy from someone.

December 05, 2002

Gum Chewing Piece Of Shit!

I'm feeling sick. Today's been a long day. And then the worst thing happens: I get to ResComp and I notice a piece of gum sticking on the back of my backpack. A big-ass wad. I was so mad!!! I literally was fuming after that for the better part of the day. If I ever see another ass clown spit gum out in Wheeler Auditorium (where my backpack was tainted by the aforementioned gum), I swear I will strangle them and then spit out gum on their dead body.

December 09, 2002

Pressure?

For some reason, this quote just came into my head while reading Bio at the library, so I thought I would share.

December 15, 2002

Pondering the Impossible

It rained again today. I had to go and finish up my time sheet at work. Plus I had a CS review session. My umbrella was jacked up. I bought a new one, paying $12 at the Cal Student Store, a.k.a., Exploitation Central. Getting to the Student Store however, I got rained on. My hair got wet. It had gel in it. That got me thinking, why don't they make gel waterproof, because anytime anyone goes out in the rain, it will just leak down their face and burn their eyes (unless of course thousands of innocent animals had to have that happen to them, so humans wouldn't).

January 04, 2003

You're Shitting Me!

I just had a thought that I think I should share, lest I forget it; I walked into the bathroom to take a piss. Now, I know what you're thinking: what good could come out of this train of thought? Bear with me. As I was walking my pants brushed up against the wall and my cell phone bumped. Then I started thinking, what if I were taking a shit, and my cell phone was in my pant pocket and it rang. What would I do? Would I answer it and talk while shitting? Would I let it ring obnoxiously until I was forced to throw it in the sink? Or would I just turn it off? I think I would just turn it off. But then I thought, what would others do? Would they do the same, or would they answer it? Then I thought: have I ever spoken to anyone while they were taking a dump? It's a very interesting question. Guess I'll never speak to anyone again without wondering: is this person taking a shit while carrying on a conversation with me?

January 05, 2003

Hackers and Con Artists

I read an interesting article in The New York Times today, which is delivered to my email box on a daily basis, comparing Abagnale in Catch Me If You Can to modern hackers. Read it if you have the time or inclination (and a registration to the N.Y. Times site).

January 08, 2003

Return of PB&J

That's right. I'm back in Berkeley. The hate for life hasn't returned yet, but the crappy food (prepared by moi) has. Monday I bought cheesy sticks from West Coast and a 2L bottle of Coke. This was sufficient for dinner for two days, and I had lunch out while at work. But today, feeling guilty about having just spent $270 on a new iPod, I decided I should eat meals at home.

January 09, 2003

Rain, Rain, and More Rain

Where the hell has the rain been this past week, hell, this past semester?! Well, here it comes! And I was almost beginning to forget where I live now. When I left the house, it was rather dark outside, but I decided that considering the weather forecast only a 50% chance of rain today, I wouldn't bother with carrying around an umbrella.

January 20, 2003

Rohit's Weekend In Review

All right, I'm gonna do this like Chris Berhman on ESPN. 2 Minutes. No bullshit. Friday, went to work, then to Unit Two Computing Center to test out login tracking. There from 3 p.m. – 7 p.m. PCs work, Macs don't. How typical. Worse than that, I have just gotten accustomed to working till 7 p.m. on a Friday evening, and this is only my second year in college. I have only fear for what my life will be like when I get a real job. Go to Sufficient Grounds, get a really nice sandwich, go home, too tired to do anything, so just sleep pretty much.

January 17, 2004

The Awful Truth

For many months now, I have been investigating a very unusual phenomenon, and having drawn my conclusions, I feel it is imperative that I share my findings with the populace at large. Despite the severity of my inferences, this is not the time for tact or subtleties, so I'm just going to say it: little kids are whack!. They look like humans, more or less, but don't let their clever disguises deceive you. While displaying all physical attributes traditionally associated with the human species, they behave in a manner which is incomprehensible, unpredictable, and indeterminate. Having had numerous close encounters (of the third kind) in the last few months, I can now confidently say that the little kids are probably one of the scariest things out there in that big, bad world!

March 07, 2004

Truth and Astrology

I am usually not the kind of guy to put too much stock into astrology, although I admit that I can't completely discount it either. Anyway, in the course of trying to waste time, I idly clicked on some link in a friend's profile and came across the Alcohol Horoscope, which I think I had seen before, but am not really sure. Reading it again, though, made me stop and think about the accuracy of astrology—it was dead on!

April 02, 2004

Stalkers, Take Two

I had hoped that after all the publicity associated with my rant on stalkers last fall, I would no longer have to deal with it anymore. But when I returned to Berkeley after a Spring Break spent at home, I found a message on my white board, informing me that a note had been slipped under my door. I didn't pay much attention to this fact, considering that this is not entirely an uncommon occurrence. Entering my room, I noticed a small, yellow flier right beneath my feet. Turning it over, I realized that this was no ordinary note.

April 27, 2004

The War of the Roses

The War of the Roses, a series of medieval English civil wars fought between the House of York and the House of Lancaster between 1455 and 1487, is worthy of passing note in almost any survey of modern European history as a pivotal event in the formation of the House of Tudor. Perhaps the 2004 analog of this war, involving the House of Rohit is comparable neither in its relevance nor its impact on modern Europe, but I would assert that it sure is a hell of a lot more awesome.

June 27, 2004

The FDLA

Remember that dorky club from high school: the Future Business Leaders of America? Well, how about the Future Drug Lords of America? Why do I mention this? Because I'm looking to join the latter. Hey, you should be happy I didn't say I wanted to join the former.

July 31, 2004

The Unusual Antidepressant

People often ask me how I can say that I rarely, if ever, get depressed. I don't know if that's a routine question or they are insinuating that I should be more depressed than I am, but I'm just going to ignore that matter for now. Usually, I just cryptically say that I have access to an unusual antidepressant, but this has had the negative effect of bringing my emotional stability into scrutiny. To set the record straight, I'd like to explain my technique for not being depressed.

August 11, 2005

Prozac for the People

Although summer time is usually a happy time for most people, I'm sure everyone goes through a slump despite the warm, sunny days and temperate evenings, for one reason or another. Perhaps that summer fling you were hoping for hasn't materialized, or maybe, that summer fling you just had worked a little bit too well, and now you need to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend who was abroad for the summer about it. Or maybe you're just someone who has a lot to be depressed about, regardless of the season. Regular readers of my site probably remember my post on the unusual antidepressant from last year, and hopefully find solace in it, but for all you unenlightened folks, I'm going take this opportunity to discuss another avenue for finding happiness and self-confidence in this dog-eat-dog world trying very hard to destroy both.

October 02, 2005

Icing on the Cake

I was just thinking today how anyone who doesn't know me in real life, and only through my online persona of rohitsrealm.com blogger, might actually believe I really am as cynical, bitter, depressed, and elitist as I come off through my writing. Okay, so maybe it's true, but those who know me outside of the Internet will have to agree that while my blog does seem to weigh heavily towards the aforementioned topics, I am not incapable of other emotions. To at least partially address this issue, and perhaps even rectify some misguided perceptions people may hold, I will now present a uncharacteristically positive entry.

June 14, 2006

Contemplations On Killing Oneself

Suppose you wanted to kill yourself. (OK, fine, maybe you, you dear reader, with that reprehensible sunshiny disposition and revolting optimistic outlook are one of those despicable individuals who loves life too much to entertain that supposition.) Well, suppose I wanted to kill myself (a much more plausible notion). How might I (you) go about it? What should I (you) write in my (your) suicide note? Should I (you) even leave a note? As you can see, there are many many things to consider prior to undertaking such a major endeavor, and one should not be too hasty nor too impulsive (unless of course you only intend said endeavor as a cry for help, in which case I wish you best of luck in said endeavor).

January 16, 2007

Your City Ain't Shit (Unless It's Got a River)

Having spent the first two weeks of 2007 wandering through Western Europe, I have arrived upon one resounding, ground-breaking conclusion: your city ain't shit unless it's got a river running through it. That's right. It's the river that makes the city.

June 27, 2007

Paradigm Shifts, Family Jewels, and Schrödinger's Cat

Though I have previously argued that a Heisenberg-esque Uncertainty Principle exist[s] in social interactions as much as it does in quantum mechanics, two recent (and unrelated) news stories have really driven home (for me, at least) the challenges we face, both as individuals and as a society, in attempting to make sense of contemporary developments. While this could be said about developments (or advancements, as the case may be) in any field of academic inquiry, be it art, science, or economics, the two disciplines I will focus on are (American) history and (molecular) biology, specifically the recent release of the so-called family jewels by the C.I.A. and recent developments in understanding the role of RNA, as outlined last week in the Economist (registration and subscription required, respectively).

July 11, 2007

Sharing is Caring

To give lazy (but loyal) readers a much needed summer vacation from my irrational (and increasingly verbose) ranting and raving, I thought I would instead share two blogs that have very quickly become some of my favorites on the proverbial World Wide Web, both courtesy of my fellow blogger-in-arms (and latest resident of Deutschland, a.k.a., the Federal Republic of Germany).

September 26, 2009

Twelve Hours of Hate

For those who have had the extreme misfortune of having made my acquaintance, the subject of my consummate hatred for everything and everyone, myself most of all, should not be news. Nevertheless, even while we may understand that generally, I am a curmudgeon, the extent and obscurity of my hatred had never been studied in detail—that is, until this summer.

On a road trip back from New York to Chicago in August, my friend decided as we were leaving Manhattan to note whenever I said I hate something. Over the next twelve hours and a number of topics of conversation, he managed to create a list of thirty-one items—a window into my hatred, if you will.

The result was surprising, even to me. Damn, I'm a hater! For those who are interested, I have reproduced the list below in its entirety (the original will be framed).

June 30, 2011

On the Purported Death (and Subsequent Rebirth) of the Oxford Comma

As I am sure you very well realize, dear readers, the rants on this squalid site are no longer what they once were. Part of the explanation, I'd like to think, is that with age has come maturity, but those familiar with my predisposition to irrational and obscure rants will note that this can hardly be the full story (if, in fact, it explains anything at all).

A more plausible explanation for the dearth of rants in recent times might be Twitter. With most of my rants fixated now as before on (a) bums, (b) transit, and (c) more bums, 140 characters on Twitter is usually sufficient (or at the very least, forces me to be succinct, which is certainly no loss). Sometimes, however, a tragedy of epic proportions unveils itself such that no amount of tweeting can ever suffice. Yesterday was such a time (as I observed briefly on, yes, Twitter). And it is to this source of all-consuming darkness to which I turn in this entry.