Rohit's Realm - October 2008

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October 16, 2008

Rohit the Plumber

For those of you who, like me, have been avidly following the 2008 presidential campaign since it began nearly two years ago, the next three weeks are likely to be insufferable. In less than a month, the dirty, unwashed, ignorant, despicable masses will emerge from their collective television-induced stupor for, perforce, a grand total of five minutes to select the most powerful person in the world in the most important election in a generation. Needless to say, my cynicism has been running amok these days—what shred of credibility said despicable masses might have had with me was eviscerated by the open arms with which the consummately unimpressive (and quite possibly corrupt) hitherto unknown Governor of Alaska was greeted. And while I have generally tended to eschew explicit political affiliations—in life in general and on the venerable Realm in particular—I feel compelled to break my own rules today.

October 03, 2008

Quarter Century

With the passing of this day, the third of October in the year of our Lord, two thousand and eight, comes a momentously irrelevant occasion. It is the day that marks my attainment of the much-coveted (and frequently obtained) quarter century status. On a dark day, twenty-five years ago, I arrived upon this planet, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Luckily for you, dear readers, I would not retain that sunshiny disposition for long, quickly trading in smiles for frowns and happiness for despair. For twenty-five long (and consummately miserable years), I have disgraced my family, my friends, myself, and society at large. With this post, I hope to continue in that storied tradition.

Last year, I chose to dedicate my post to introspection; today, I will dedicate it to circumspection.

October 14, 2008

Injun Summer (or Why Chicago Ain't So Bad)

As those who have followed my rough and tumble pursuit of nothingness (online and off) over the past year know all too well, I have had a tendency to shit on Chicago with more frequency than newborn babies soil their diapers.1 Indubitably, some of my criticisms are valid (insofar as they are decipherable from the incomprehensible jumble of impenetrable words incompetently composed) and especially so when it comes to loathsome Hyde Park, a place that only induces more irrational and amorphous rage with each passing day. Yet, I would be remiss to suggest that I have only hate for Chicago. Driving home last night from said loathsome venue (Hyde Park), I could not help but be impressed by the serene nighttime views of the formidable skyline and Lake Michigan as I jetted up Lake Shore Drive. Perhaps I had been to quick to judge, I thought to myself begrudgingly. Has my time in Chicago actually been that odious?

October 01, 2008

Outsourcing My Personal Existence

Amidst the breathless chatter in recent weeks about banks failing, markets melting, and capitalism ending (¡Viva la revolución!), a vastly more important story has been relegated to consummately irrelevant blogs such as this one: my own life is falling apart. And while long-time readers may be excused for pondering what makes this news of any import whatsoever, considering, first, that I lead a largely marginalized and trivial existence, and second, that my life is always in some state of catastrophic collapse given its necessary futility, the unprecedented levels of anxiety, self-doubt, and despair that have consumed me in past month nonetheless convince me that something out of the ordinary is afoot.

I am sleeping little, accomplishing less, and ending each day further behind than I started it. To speak in terms of a particularly vivid (and thoroughly disgusting) analogy from years past, the levels of shit in my clear box are increasing much faster than I can shovel them out. This acceleration is, of course, unsustainable in the long term. And while the ultimate solution remains an option (as it must), I am not persuaded that the tragicomedy of the situation has reached levels such that facilitating my own demise would yield maximum irony. Something, however, must be done. Last year I spoke of outsourcing my digital existence. Today I propose something far more drastic.

October 23, 2008

Moral Absolutism

In law school, moral relativism is often the name of the game. Considering and analyzing all sides of an issue is part and parcel of what lawyers do (insofar as they do anything at all), and in general, I see virtue in some of those teachings. I think we can all agree, however, that this theory does not always hold water. I present Exhibit A:

October 27, 2008

Hanging It Up: Why I Ought to Kill Myself

Those readers who have suffered the gross misfortune of having been with me for a few years now might recall a consummately innocuous article I published in mid 2006 that would later bring me the mild infamy that follows from a high Google ranking for an obscure phrase—say, for the query killing oneself. Needless to say, as my (despicable, necessarily futile) continued presence on this planet suggests, that article was not the proverbial cry for help (as perhaps this one might be considered to be) misleading though its title may be. Today, in light of a very improvident turn of events, I am forced to leave behind theoretical contemplation for very practical consideration.

What catastrophic event might have brought me, already constantly adrift in a turbulent sea of mediocrity, loneliness, and despair, to this woeful condition, the mildly concerned reader might ask? Surely, it could not be anything of little moment. As extensively documented on this site, I have managed to survive a plethora of withering failures and accepted repeated acts of shameful hypocrisy, all without needing to seriously considering ending it all. Why the sudden change of heart?